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Tarantulas in media: great big vicious monsters, insatiable appetites, super deadly, ultra predators, terrifying soulless beasts

Tarantulas in real life: fragile, soft-bellied, eat your dinner or just fucking molt already it’s not that hard, ‘I’m fasting for religious reasons that I’m not going to explain and your offerings of crickets offend me’, ‘oooh nooo I stepped in my water dish and now my foot’s wet I’m going to climb up the glass to sulk about it and if I fall I might DIE and THEN you’ll be sorry’, will yank out ass hair when angry, arches up on tiptoes to avoid belly being touched by passing cricket, might hurt self on own skeleton, leave scraps of web lying around for no reason, constant maladaptive daydreaming, the stoners of the spider world

‘care guides say I like to burrow but nah, I just like making messy piles with substrate and then knocking them over like a child with sandcastles’

also featuring: ‘this plant has been with me for ten years, time to have a sudden mood change and spend an entire night ripping it out and destroying it’ and ‘thanks for putting water in my vivarium i will now continue to shovel earth into it at every opportunity’, ‘i am a vicious predator and- oh no is that a woodlouse crawling over my foot oh no ew better go and sit on top of my cave ew’, ‘hello pesky HUMAN can you please take out these old leaves i found i wrapped them up into a nice bundle for you and put them in the corner i dont like them TAKE THEM OUT’ and, my forever favourite: ‘ohhhh this thermometer looks nice. it’s round. it’s pretty. I WILL WRAP ALL MY LEGS AROUND IT WHILST CLIMBING AND- oh. oh im sliding. it’s coming off. oh. WHY AM I ON MY BACK. OH.’

I’m reading this and I would still kill a tarantula if it got anywhere near me.

cool then don’t come to my house and don’t add on to my posts

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